Monday, March 30, 2009

Are You There Spring? It's Me, Kat

Ok, so I wrote this for all my friends on Facebook, so I thought I could be lazy and just post it here…
Double duty for a busy gal!

Dear Spring,
I enjoyed your recent visit and am looking forward to your return. We had so much fun, carousing around with 3/4 sleeves and no need for a second pair of pants or two fleeces. Remember when we rode bikes through the paths and did not freeze or have to dodge snow and ice patches? That was really great too! But now you’ve gone, and I am left shivering and cold in the midst of your departure. I would appreciate your return by Easter, as there has not been a warm Easter in awhile, and I have a really cute outfit I would like to wear. There is a lonely pair of wedge sandals waiting in their box that arrived from Amazon.com in January. They go perfect with my dress with the lilies on it that I never wear because I have no shoes to match and I don’t want to be made fun of by Greg or Virath. I would also appreciate being able to take a cute picture in my outfit with Alea, outside with green grass without turning into an icicle. And maybe you could even team up with Alea and I kick Brad’s ass again, because you know we can’t fight in the house. Easter can be so much fun you see, and it is extra late this year so I can’t see how you wouldn’t manage to fit joining me into your schedule.
I wait for you return with eagerness and expectancy, as do my cute clothes. I will take my box of dresses out of the basement and put then in my upstairs closet so maybe you will get the hint. I will wear open toed shoes and freeze my toes to play hard to get, maybe then you’ll come around. I will ride my bike with 14 layers of clothing to malice your reluctant revisit. I know my attempts are feeble at best and you will probably let that nasty Mr. Winter bully you around until June. And I know I will soon forget you when summer comes along. But please, do your girl a favor just this once…
Your bestie for life,
Kat

Monday, March 16, 2009

Holy Crap! Where the Hell Have I Been?

After a month of weddings and the catch up for work and eBay after has left me with NO TIME. Plus, I have a newly developed addiction to Facebook (send me your email if you want to be my real-life online friend).

So excuses, excuses, but I am around. I am just getting caught up on my regular blogs (Sorry I have not been around to provide you with hilarious sarcasm Fear Street). I will post soon, but right now I've got nothing.

HAPPY ST. PAT'S!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Quit Wrecking My Valentine's Fun!

I keep hearing all of this talk about boycotting Valentine’s Day because it is over-hyped and commercialized. You know what? SUCK IT!!!

I love Valentine’s Day. Can’t you have a sentimental and meaningful day without buying into the commercialism and advertising? I sure can. This day is about love and wearing really cute outfits with hearts on them (I am undecided about a heart dress with red tights, or jeans and a heart print shirt). Plus, it is P.’s birthday so I never really get a gift from Mr. Whiney anyways, it’s HIS BIRTHDAY…

But I don’t care. I don’t need to buy into the hype to celebrate a tradition that precedes mass advertising and global commercialization. We are not going out to dinner; I am having a dinner party at my house. We are going out for drinks after, but that is for birthday celebrations. And if I want chocolate, I will buy it for myself and it need not be in any heart or cupid shape. If I want jewelry (which I never wear), I would buy it myself. If I wanted flowers (which I don’t because they are a waste of money and my cats eat them and then puke), I would plant something.

No, I just love the ambiance and schmaltziness of Valentine’s Day. So all of you bitter anti-Valentines Day people need to quit wrecking my fun!

I will make you a card if you want though…Happy Valentines Everyone/Non-Boycotters!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Mondays Suck Ass, So Let's Have Some Keyword Fun

These keywords were recently used as paths to my blog:

"i used to love john mayer" (well, now you have joined me in the hatred of John Mayer…)
alcoholics and sparkling juice (don’t mix, believe me that sparkling crap does not tide you over)
badkat diet (what are you implying?)
can you buy sparkling juice at grocery store (where the hell else would you get it)
blocking a sweeater (thank goodness Google spell checks)

**Anyone looking to block a sweater needs to visit Martha Stewart’s website, not mine. As previously seen, I know nothing about the art of blocking sweaters! **

I am really wondering what post I ever talked about sparkling juice...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Take It In, Take It Out & Shake Your Boobies All About

So, I went to my first dress fitting on Tuesday. All I have to say is...wait, I’ll be nice, but just this once. Only because it is one of my best friends getting married. UGH

I have to get the dress taken out, and then have it taken back in. This is because there is extra fabric where it should not be and it is all shifty. It has to be taken apart and put back together on an uneven hem. It fits tight under my bust so it pushes them up, but there is extra fabric so my boobs hang out, and I am not that kind of gal! Cass’s mom’s exact words as I stepped out of the dressing room were, “holy, crap, that’s come cleavage!”

Holy crap, I hadn’t noticed! Holy crap, I hadn’t expected to have to pay $100 for alterations, including SEWING A BRA INTO THE DRESS. That is right, even a fitted dress will not hold me in. And, Holy Crap, who would expect this simple, innocent looking dress to be a busty chick’s nightmare? :

Can you believe this shit? Because I can’t! Well, wish me luck and stitches!

If any plastic surgeons wish to donate me an emergency breast reduction surgery, now would be a great time!!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wait! It Is Not an Abominable Snowman, It’s ME!

I have been noticing the winter melancholy around, I feel you guys!!! I started tanning for the wedding I am in (I always have to say that so no one thinks I am the one silly enough to get married), so I am getting a little “sun” and warm. That makes me happy!

Here has been my outfit for the past month:
1 pair tights
1 pair leggings or Cuddle-Duds (love them…)
1 pants (1 size too big as to fit other layers under)
1 tank
1 tee
1 long-sleeve tee
1 fleece
1 vest (with hand warmers in the sleeves)
2 pair socks
1 pair Columbia Winter Shoes

And when I put my coat with the fur-trimmed hood on; man, I look like a Yeti. Or the State Puff Marshmallow Man, only my coat is brown so the Toasted State Puff Marshmallow Man. With a fur-trimmed hood…

I wish it was warm! I washed all of my dresses from vacation this weekend (yes, normally tidy Kat waited with a pile of laundry on the basement floor for a month. But hey, I had a lot of fleeces to wash). I wish it was warm enough even to wear a non-sweater dress even with tights and a sweater. Damn you winter, DAMN YOU!!!

According to the Farmer’s Almanac (fuck you Belinda Jensen and your crappy, inaccurate forecasts, I’ve gone elsewhere), it is supposed to be a warmer than normal April and May. April and May, my new friends, WELCOME! I will be seeing you soon…

For some kitty news, I forgot to order cat food (yes, the spoiled ones have cat food delivery), so I sent P. to Petco for 3 small cans of Wellness cat food. He came back with a cat condo (and yes, the food). Here is Fatty looking like Devil-Cat while fighting a toy mouse that dared to enter his new condo.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I Thought Blocking Your Sweater Meant You Beat It with a Brick

Ok, so I love Martha Stewart. Not as much as I love Prince, but close. I also love her daughter’s show, Whatever Martha. Alexis Stewart and some other chick basically make fun of clips of Martha’s shows. Now, I love “make fun of others” kind of shows. The Soup? Love it. Best Week Ever? Love it. Now I have this show, which also includes my girl-crush, Martha. If you get a chance to watch it, do. It is on FLN. And I think that they are on Sirius or something, but I do not have satellite radio and do not plan on getting it as I have been warned that they are going under soon.

So anyway, as I meander around my point as usual…
I was talking to this woman at work about a recent episode of Whatever Martha where they were snarking on a Martha segment where she instructs how to wash and “block” sweaters so you do not have to send them to the cleaner.

Let’s back up here a minute. Who the hell sends their sweaters to the cleaners? For that matter, who fucking hand washes their sweaters? Washing machines usually have a delicate or hand wash setting, duh Martha. And what the hell is this blocking thing? I was seriously waiting for the block to come into play at some point, but the segment ended and I was left confused.

So, I was explaining my confusion to the woman I work with. She was like, oh, yeah, that’s where you lay your sweater out flat and measure it before and after you wash and adjust it so it dries even and the same size it was before you washed it. I was in awe that she actually knew what this was, but thankful that she clarified the process.

Are you shitting me? I am supposed to do this with every sweater I own? I live in Minnesota for crimanies sake; do you know how many sweaters I own? And I have never really had any problems with my sweaters shrinking unless it was put in the dryer on accident (thanks to my lovely boyfriend). I think I will stick with drying them on low or hanging them over my shower rod.

So there is your useless information for the day, I hope I have been of service…

On a random note, I am watching ET (I only get basic, but digital switchover ready, TV in my office) and Laura Bush said she loved coming into her fashion as first lady (huh?), and that she got to know many great American designers, such as Oscar de la Rento. Um, it is de la Renta, and isn’t he Dominican or Spanish or something?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Send Me Back, PLEASE

So, I got back a little less then 2 weeks ago and I am still miserable. Cold? Yuck. Various forms of precipitation? Yuck. My first week back a work SUCKED, I knew it would. A new computer/operating system going into place, smack in the middle of the busiest single week of the year. I seriously thought about staying while I was down there. The weather was great, it was 75-90 degrees everyday and only really rained at night.

Here are some of the things that prevented my sudden emigration to Puerto Rico:

I do not speak Spanish, so the hopes of a decent job are severely limited. I need Rosetta Stone very badly.

I do not yet own a Vespa with matching helmets for me and Snickers, and a kitty cage on the back for her.

I could not stay in the condo I was at; considering it was booked out starting the day we left. Plus, although good for a temporary stay, I would not want to live at that condo.

I do not think anyone would be willing to get my cats ready to be shipped down, nor would I like to pay to ship them down.

I had none of my things that I would need on a normal daily basis.

I am in that wedding on 2/28, and Cass would fly down and kill me if I did not show, although at least I would die someplace warm and tropical.

Well, I guess life must move on, and vacation would not be vacation if you lived there all of the time. Plus, there is the whole bug and mold situation that comes with any tropical location. However, I will tell you that I am planning a weekend somewhere warm for P.’s birthday, which also happens to be Valentine’s Day. I do not know where, I do not care if it is last minute booked the night before, just get me out of the cold for 3 or 4 days, PLEASE. I started planning this trip the day before I came back. I need periodic trips to warm places as to not turn into an angry winter troll. Or maybe I would be better described as similar to the Winter Warlock from Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. But anyway, I am back and loathing it!

I will get together a post of my favorite and least favorite highlights. You can see when the wind destroyed Christmas and the craphole known as Ponce, which is fraudulently advertised as “The Pearl of the South”, Blech. But, I do have some great pictures of the Rainforest and a cat that ran up a tree when I was walking through Old San Juan. I should just upload my Photobucket albums…

On an “I’m back to reality being tormented by my spoiled-ass cats” note, I am trying to figure out which cat has been stealing and eating blueberry muffins. Two days in a row, once was half eaten sitting on a plate, and the other was wrapped in plastic. I found both on the floor, broken apart with chew marks on them. And the paper was eaten through. Fatty is out of the question, since he can’t get on the counter. Snickers? Fluffs? Anybody want to come forward and admit that they’ve been naughty?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

No One Told Me Winter Did Not Start Until Sunday

By the looks around here, it has been winter for awhile. But I am leaving, for almost 2 weeks. The snow is supposed to hold out until after I leave, let’s just keep hoping! I am off to the land of rum, coffee, and most of all, WARM. All of the things I love. I will miss my kitties though, little boogers that they are. My sister is in charge of my house (ha, ha, I hope you have to shovel), and I am ready to go. My checked bag weighs 38 pounds, so I am legal. And I booked my flight before

Zanne, I went to Ulta today and the 5 for $10 stuff this year is AWSOME! I got myself a nice eye shadow palette :) And it has been awful in Chicago, I have seen! I know you are going to get this storm tomorrow too! :(

I will talk to everyone when I get back! I will send anyone who wants it a link to my flikr page.

Everyone have a wonderful holiday!

Monday, December 15, 2008

-25 Degrees and 3 Days

Yesterday, it was 40 degrees and raining. Then, at about 4:30pm, Old Man Winter decided to get up from his afternoon nap and share his wintery wrath on the upper Midwest. Within 2 hours, it was 5 degrees out and snowing. Thanks to the rain, there is a nice ice layer under the snow. I could go ice skating on my patio and driveway. Not that I would want to, it is a whole -4 degrees out right now, of course with -25 windchill. Needless to say, I am working from home today. I was up at 6:30 and dialed into my computer at work. I am almost halfway done with my regular workday hours and it is only 10:00. SCORE, now I can take an hour break and still be done by 3:30. And, I am getting so much done so tomorrow I can just take care of non-paperwork stuff because it is my last day of work before I LEAVE THIS WINTER NIGHTMARE on Thursday morning. I am just waiting for a new skirt and pants to get here from Amazon so I can get them in my suitcase and then I will be packed and ready to go. There is supposed to be a chance of snow Thursday, please let it begin after my plane is gone!

I will try and blog before I leave, if not, everyone have a very happy holiday! I will be back in my normal post and comment routine after I return, PROMISE :)

Monday, December 8, 2008

Birthday Wishes

My birthday is tomorrow. I love birthdays! I really am not very age oriented, but that does not mean that I do not like to celebrate the day I was born. I also demand that people have to be extra nice to my mother on my birthday, since she had to give birth that day.

Nothing much going on this year, it is a week night and I leave town in 10 days so I need to save all of my energy and money for that. I am assuming my grandparents will come see me at work, and I have some friends stopping by for a little while. But it is totally low key this year. No glow stick mouthpieces at insane clubs or drunken trips to eat massive amounts of pizza in questionable neighborhoods in the middle of the night. That is only if my birthday is on a weekend.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Better Late Than Never!

“This weekend” means a week and a half later...

Fatty was very well behaved until he was cut off from his pain meds. After we cut him off of whatever unpronounceable “orphine” the vet gave him, he began to become delinquent (I’ve seen the Little House on the Prairie where Dr. Weston from Empty Nest was addicted to morphine. I learned my lesson, thanks Little House). He scaled the baby-gate and ran away from me on Saturday afternoon. No running or jumping for 12 weeks? Well, he jumped AND ran, one week and two days after a very serious surgery where his entire ligament was replaced. Ass hole cat!!!!
Here is his scar, not too bad:
We also took his sad cone off; it was just horrible watching him in it. He ran into everything and tried to clean himself, but only kept licking the inside of the cone. IT WAS SO SAD!

So we decided that he is now allowed out when we are home. But until we get a second baby gate to stack over the first, he has to be in there with the door shut. When he is out, he hops into our bed and onto chairs. I wonder if there is a difference between hopping two feet and a full blown jump. My poor kitty, he only wants to burrow:


He seems to be feeling fine! He walks better every day. And he does not appear to be addicted to opiates like I feared.
My birthday is next week. I have already gotten 1 birthday and 4 Christmas presents from P.’s parents. I got a kick-ass new camera with new high-capacity SD cards, new mittens, and a bunch of new Rubbermaid Easy Find containers. I love presents!! And I will most likely get the rest of my Christmas gifts this weekend when I go to my parents for my birthday dinner. I hope my grandparents give me money; it was first on the gift list they practically pried out of my hands in early November. All I want is new perfume (I have always gotten perfume from my parents on my birthday since I was 7. I was the best smelling 2nd grader of all time!) and money. I need it to stockpile inexpensive rum and coffee in Puerto Rico.
Please, everybody pray to your chosen Deity for me. NO SNOW. At least until after 7:30am on Thursday December 18th, 2008, when I am safely in the air on my way to sunny and beautiful Puerto Rico. PLEASE!!!! Love and kisses in advance! I leave in 17 days!!!